FROM SCRATCH

Behind me, there is a haunting heritage. I am running away from it.

There are centuries of perpetual suffering and disquieting oppression. We, members of ethnic minorities, are an unbearable burden for the homeland. We are unworthy and hopeless. We are redundant.

There are desperate decades spent in a rundown tiny house with broken windows, squeaking floors, and insolent rats that occupy more room than our family of three.

There are wearing months of unsettling battles with my husband, who is too rigid to take chances and make a few faltering steps toward the promising unknown. He has been berating me for being selfish, frivolous, reckless. Little does he know the truth.

There are mournful days of watching my dear son being slowly devoured by the disease. I hope they will discover the antidote for this curse there.

There are everlasting seconds of waiting for the ship to come and take us to where we will find a secure refuge and hope.

All of that I, Marrien Dizenbraugh, a despondent woman of Poland descent, am leaving behind.

In front of me, there is a daring land of hope and freedom, eager to test me. Us. Newcomers. It has opened its welcoming arms to embrace us; however, can we be sure it won’t throw us away as amiably as it has received us? Will it keep all the promises? Will it provide us with a new beginning? Will it ever be ‘the land of the free and the home of the brave?’ Will it be our home, at last?

Here I am, standing center stage between the suffocating past and the auspicious future. I am petrified. Apprehensive. Baffled. Hoping. Encouraged. Jubilant. Glorious. Fearless.

I am starting life from scratch to ensure a prosperous future for us all.